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A marriage can be in crisis while the ordinary needs of a household continue. A child still needs supper. Someone must answer the school’s message. Bedtime arrives whether or not a husband and wife know how to face tomorrow.
In testimony published on Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs’s website on June 1, 2009, Jeff recalled receiving divorce papers while reading a bedtime story to their daughters. He returned upstairs, finished the story and put the girls to bed. The couple later described remarriage seven years after their 1992 divorce. That is their reported outcome, not a timetable promised to another family. Read their published testimony.
That remembered moment does not require a hurting parent to hide every tear. It does bring a searching question close: when grief fills your home, who still needs your care, and who can help you give it?
Episode 35 of Standing in the Gap: The War Room considers Job and his wife in a household devastated by loss. Job’s children die, his possessions are taken and his body is afflicted. His wife belongs to that grieving household too. Her counsel in Job 2:9 is wrong, but Scripture does not give us a complete account of her motives. We must tell the truth about her words without inventing the rest of her story. (Job 1–2.)
Job’s friends initially come to mourn with him and comfort him. They weep and sit beside him for seven days and nights because his grief is great. Later, their speeches show how badly comfort can fail when people explain suffering with confidence they have not earned. Their first response gives us something to practice: taking another person’s sorrow seriously enough to give it time. (Job 2:11–13.)
In a strained marriage, listening may expose something you would rather defend. Your spouse describes loneliness, and you begin counting everything you have provided. They describe a cruel remark, and you prepare an account of what provoked it. Bring that impulse before God. Understanding what your spouse is saying does not require agreeing with every accusation. It does require listening without treating their pain as an interruption to your defense.
Christ gives Christian compassion its deepest ground. As he meets people grieving Lazarus’s death, Jesus weeps with them even as he stands among them as the resurrection and the life. His power over death does not make him indifferent to tears. He calls Lazarus from the grave, a particular sign of who he is; this passage gives no promise that every family’s present loss will immediately reverse. It gives us the Savior in whom to trust. John 11:17–44.
His love also reaches people who cannot claim innocence. Romans 5:6–11 says Christ died for sinners, reconciling believers to God through his death. You do not have to construct a flawless account of yourself before coming to him. Confess the wrong that is yours. Receive his mercy. Ask him to teach you to love truthfully from the grace you have received. Reconciliation with God through Christ is the foundation here; another person’s repentance cannot be produced by your suffering. Romans 5:6–11.
What might that love look like this week? Where a conversation is welcome, set aside the phone and hear your spouse without rushing toward a verdict. Name your own wrongdoing plainly. If you are separated, care must respect agreed arrangements and lawful boundaries. Dependable parenting or practical help must never become a device for forcing contact.
For parents, faithfulness includes keeping adult burdens off children’s shoulders. Let them receive your attention without having to report on the other parent or reassure you about the marriage. You can acknowledge sadness in age-appropriate words while seeking your deeper support from responsible adults.
For the church, Romans 12:15 says, “weep with them that weep” (KJV). Offer a meal, help with a necessary task or a time to listen. Ask what would help and keep your word. A family’s suffering is not material for public speculation.
If harm or threats are present, compassion includes protection and appropriate help. No one must remain exposed to abuse to demonstrate covenant faithfulness. If you are exhausted, receiving help is also a faithful step; you were never commanded to carry every need alone.
Read Job 2:11–13 and John 11 this week. Bring your grief and your own conduct before Jesus. Then identify one responsibility you can fulfill and one trusted believer from whom you can receive support. You may not know what will happen to your marriage. You can still follow Christ in the way you care for the people before you today.